Clint is going
to pick me up for swimming this morning, along with Buffy
and Chris. When I first started swimming it was hard and
very upsetting to me inside. There was no one swimming.
Not even Buffy or Clint. Chris started swimming. He's
very humorous in the water, but VERY determined to be
a good swimmer. If his determination keeps up he will
be. I hope that Clint and Buffy (I know for sure) and
I make it to CIF. It's Clint's last year at High School.
Will I ever see these friends again? After school we all
go our own way.
It's been over
a month, maybe a month and a week since Rhett's been buried.
I keep thinking of Physco II. In the move they remove
the coffin and opened up a deteriorated body. Is Rhett's
body starting to look like that? I had a dream last night.
I was standing somewhere (I can't remember) Rhett was
standing a little ways from me and standing a little ways
from him was Brenda C. I guess Rhett said: "did you
tell Mike?" and Brenda answered "Yes, I told
him all about that night". Rhett's face started to
get really red and he smiled a sheepish grin. I felt good
waking up.
Swimming started
5 minutes ago. Maybe Clint over-slept.
Thoughts of
suicide has been running in my mind over and over again.
Brenda confided in me and Greg what happened that Friday
night: Brenda, Lynn and Rhett came over. Brenda and
Rhett went out to the car to leave Lynn and I alone. Lynn
and I kissed and hugged. Madeout? Rhett and Brenda were
in the car discussing how they should start kissing :
"If I put my arm here, It might lead to this and
this.. But if I put my arm here it will lead to this and
this." Brenda and Rhett discussed how they had kissed
other people and how they started and maybe how they would
start. They finally said all that they were going to say
and sat for awhile not doing anything or speaking. Finally
they started kissing. They were listening to the radio
and the song "What's Love Got to do with It"
, started to play. Rhett said he like that song. Brenda
said she had Tina Turner's album and would let him listen
to it. He never did.
Chris and I
visited Rhett's house two days back. Alison was there
and we talked to her and she filled us in on what was
happening on a new soap opera: "Santa Barbara".
She looks so much like Rhett. Nanci Bell really looks
old. The Sunday before last, Clint and I want over to
Rody's house to have dinner and watch movies. We threw
the football around in the yard. I kept on thinking this
is such a big house, Rhett is probably in one of those
rooms.
I guess I'm
not going to swimming, it's 6:30.
Everyone can't
wait for school to start. I wonder if it will put me in
a deeper depression than I'm already in. When I dropped
my mother off at the High School for Bingo, I remembered
the Bandroom and the Grass. The Grass that Rhett and I
ran through the sprinklers and got wet on the hot day
of the closing night of "Finian's Rainbow".
...back...
