I'm sitting
in the livingroom right now in Jo-Jo's chair. The electricity
just came on a few minutes ago. It's 103 degrees in Paso
now (so the radio says). The fire is crawling over the
hills in SLO. The phones are out right now. I wanted to
call my mom, but the line was busy before, now the phones
aren't working now at all. I'm going to try and call my
mom now.
Well I got
ahold of my mom. The phone wasn't out, it was the stupid
phone we have. I have soma pills in my desk drawer. When
and if I take them tonight I will find out if I shall
die or not. I wear a ring on my finger that was once around
the neck of the most wonderful person in the world. I
love Joni. She needs room to grow. And this is not the
only reason why I'm killing myself, I'm not sure whether
I want to die. I'm listening to "Pink Floyd - The
Wall".
Why can't I
lead a normal life? One that doesn't deal with so many
complications? I wanted to make love to Joni. I don't
know how she feels right now. I just got the note today
when I got off work. Thanks alot Joni! Leaving it on the
car where you would give me notes saying how much you
love me. Isn't appropriate that she should leave the "Fuck
my Dog Note" in the same place! I love her so fucking
much. I just wish she and I were out of college with jobs,
so I could ask her to marry me. She is the one person
in the whole world I could live with forever. ("I
have grown older and she has grown colder. Dry as a funeral
drum"). How about dressing my corpse in K-Swiss,
blue jeans, and my O.P. gray shirt. Burying the shoes
that stink so much would be killing two birds with one
stone. I love you mom. I can't deal with the thought of
you alone so much, It scares me. ("Oh baby, don't
leave me now, Don't say it's the end of the road. I need
you!") you must know how much I love you! Greg is
living with me now and he's like a brother I never had.
I love you Greg. Chris is a wonderful friend. I feel that
we have so much in common. I think we think about the
same things. I'll never forget him. He will have a special
place in my heart.
...back...
