To Kelly Ann
Medley:
So, I'm a bastard
I'm I? Well this bastard is in love with you. You knew
all along I was didn't you? You knew that I would love
you someday. Me, I thought it was impossible to fall in
love with such a bitch. Now I find it impossible not to
fall in love. (Probably because I fell so long ago). Why
have you done this? Why? I don't want to be in love with
anyone. I'm not ready or stable enough for a relationship
yet. I'm so fucking young, I can't believe it! When you
said I could live with you , and you'd take care of me,
my heart leaped. I wanted to just do that so bad. Just
drop everything and run with you. Still, I think about
just leaving everything here and living with you. But
I feel you'd be too unhappy. I am not near enough of what
you want. You want someone to be with you all the time.
I would really like that too, but it scares me terribly,
just like my love for you. A relationship scares me because
it involves two people. Right now I can't even take care
of myself. I don't have any idea what I'm going to do
in the future (near or far). I have confused feelings
and a confused mind. How can you be in love with me? I
can't understand. God I miss you! I wish I could be with
you in a normal state, with no walls. Last night, the
last night I saw you was the worst night of my life. You
were so mean and cold to me. I thought maybe at the beginning
you were kidding, but after awhile , my feelings were
hurt. I couldn't handle it. You are the only one that
can really hurt me. It is very hard for others to, because
they don't mean enough to me. God Damn I wish I didn't
love you so much! It hurts so bad.
