Today is another
day. If my letter (or my attitude) has changed, forgive
me, because it changes daily. My letter (the beginning)
was written on my break at work. I thought of you all
day yesterday, and , honestly, most of today. Today though,
I'm at the cafe, its is about 5:00 and I am alone (In
more ways than one). I can't believe that I'm admitting
my love for you. I hate to, but I am. After all we have
been through; it must be real love. Love is not easy.
You know that very well. I'm drinking a bionco, it reminds
me of you. This whole place is very empty right now. I
think it will be for a long time. This morning I woke
up around 5:00 (As the sun was rising) and thought about
packing some clothes, some of my loved things (Monroes
and Idols) and go up to San Francisco to stay with you.
I was thinking, what have I here? I have unhappiness,
worries and too many people that I know. But I figured
I would be unhappy anywhere I go. I don't know. I'm confused
. Depressed? Yes, very. You have effected me like you
wanted. You have always effected me, though I just do
not like to show it. The "last" night I started
to show my depression. I thought you hated me again. I
didn't know why. Maybe you do hate me. It is possible
for someone to hate the person they love. True? It is
for me, sometimes, I hate you so much for making me love
you. I hope someday that we will live all those promises
we made to each other. I just need to grow up quite a
bit. It is very unfortunate that we can't grow together
now. I would like to very much. Our paths of growing are
different ones. One's that I hope in the future will meet
again. Then we may travel down the path together, as one,
as equals, as loved... ones. I hope it will be soon. Certain
things need to be worked out between us. Does this letter
remind you of the intense love of a young adult? I hope
so, because that is what it is. More than anything I would
like to be by your side, living life. I am denying myself
of that. Maybe you are too. It's so hard to know what
each other is thinking. I feel that writing is good, it
breaks down most of the walls and is very tangible and
permanent. Yes? I feel very open right now and wish you
were here sitting beside me. If you were , I would kiss
you. I long for a kiss. A beautiful, passionate kiss.
To hold you in my arms and let you cry for any reason
you wanted. Happy or sad tears soaked up by my shirt.
I want you here by me with no walls, no defenses, just
love and happiness (sadness). Our time apart will give
us time to think of each other, without interruptions.
Time to evaluate our feelings for each other. It is time
we both need. I've already come to some terms. I now know
that I'm deeply in love with you and wish to be by your
side. Other terms are that I'm not stable. Very tragic
for two people to be so much in love, but the love is
rejected by one. I'm very sorry for this. I wish I could
accept it. Like I have said before; you were cursed the
day you fell in love with me. I hope you don't regret
it. I don't. Except the regret I have is you and I getting
hurt and myself not being able to live up to love.
With you in
San Francisco and me in Paso Robles; we live, yet die.
signed Dane
Michael Cameron (the bastard)
