"What
good is sitting all alone in your room?"
Cafe Flore
: Cabaret!
(Fake excitement)
Tonite I know
I am older. Grown. Not happy. Bummer Boy. All I want is
to wake up in my bed at home and find out this was all
a dream.
Is that bad?
Not to want
to face reality? God, I do not want to. I hate to look
at my life. It depresses me. It does not seem that I can
get ahead.
DISCIPLINE!
Yes, I know.
But how? I now realize that no one will hold my hand and
lead the way for me. I hate people! So many people.
Happy Godamn
it.
Two boys beside
me kiss then leave.
NO! I want
to be loved like that! With Kelly it is not the same.
I think I really am gay. I do not know what I want. I
do not think I can take the crush of another girl. They
hurt me much too much. I do not know anything any more.
I am so lost. I must take my own hand and lead me to where
I want, no matter how many people it hurts. Even myself.
That I know will be the hardest thing ever put upon me.
The deception.
It must e done. True, I love Kelly. More than anything
I really have ever loved. God Damn nosey people fucking
intruding my personal life, just to laugh and entertain
themselves.
Fuck them all.
Fuck all people
on this Earth. They have not paid yet their debts, but
I swear they will! I promise they will pay dearly Everyone
will be hurt by me! The innocent for being so ignorant
like me. Being hurt before and knowing, I have learned.
Learned well. I know the learning is not done yet. So
I will be hurt more and more. So be it. Let it come. I
am ready to learn more. The more I learn the more I can
use it to make other people pay dearly.
Revenge sounds
so sweet. It does not matter if I make the people who
hurt me pay, because I know they have been hurt. Missing
out on me.
HA! Why am
I so godamn nice? Why wait? Make people hurt now!
Yes!
No.
Be patient.
Go to school, become educated. Psychology awaits a mind
genius. Full of mind games to be played on humans. I think
if there is a God there must be Satin. Satin would probably
be proud of me.
But, Dane Michael
Cameron follows no one. He will be meant to be a leader.
Cruel. But loved, oh so much. My goal: to live for me
and no one else. Fallback: Children. Children are a backdown
for me. No Child will be hurt by me until they are ready
to learn from hurt. Frightening yes. I am now scary to
myself. I should be, I know somewhat the thoughts of my
terrible mind. Hatred. Yes. I love to hate. I love to
hate Thomas. I hate him because I envy him so. Because
he is capable of hurting. He is a learner. He has been
through this before. Maybe the same I go through now.
Thomas is smart. Envy. Hate. Well, I will do better than
him because this is so built up
Thank
You
- Dane
