Right now I
am at Lisa's
new house. It is so beautiful! I want to live here. I
could probably, if I helped with the land. I would get
by rent free. I could go to school and even keep my job.
A dream.
I want to make
more money so that I can live comfortably. I cannot get
by on what I make now. I want to keep my job and Sierra
Vista too, I like it there.
I am sick and
tired of being "Mr. Poorman!" I want to have
money, wonderful clothes, etc.
Everyone does,
why should not I?
I give myself
promises I don't even keep.
Last night
I went to a party with Fred. Met this guy named Devin.
He is so nice and cute. I liked him a lot. Fred likes
him too, though.
I cannot go
through with anything, anymore. I have no self confidence.
I don't want to be rejected, but I don't want to be alone.
I keep writing "21 Factor", but when does it
begin?
I have already
given up caffeine (coffee, my love!) next what?
I can't seem
to get into a schedule at all. All I do is spend money
I don't have. I am still behind on my car payments and
I have another ticket to pay! I need to do wash, but have
no money!
I wish someone
would come and rescue me from my own destruction. I am
just dragging my mother down with me. I must take control
over my own life!
I must!
I am in for
a struggle. A big one. I don't know how I will do.
Tomorrow I
will ask for more hours at work. Start there, then find
myself another job. One during the days. I have to, if
I want to move in with Fred in June.
If I am destined
to be alone, so be it then. I will have to deal.
Anyway, life
goes on and on and on and...
Kirsten Jacoobsen...
a girl I just talked to. Very nice, pretty and friendly.
I've talked to her a couple of times and now I know her
name. She is now part of my life story.
This book.
Thank you Lisa.
I am so glad
Lisa is away from Richard. She was changing so much, and
I wasn't liking her at all.
People change,
I guess we all must, for good or bad.
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