I can't sleep
again. I'm turning into a vampire or something. All I
can think about is moving back home again.
Could
it really be true?
Mike and Kelly
are breaking up? For good?
My heart says
never.
My sense of
reality says yes.
The end is
inevitable My emotions are so stirred, and I am so ever
scared. It seems like she is me.
She is. Who
am I trying to fool?
Me.
I know it is
tearing her and me to pieces. We can't help it We clash
at so many times. A romantic and a realist. Who is to
blame? Not her or me. Just our emotions. Our insecurities.
We are exactly
alike in which we won't let ourselves be hurt. We are
defensive towards one another when we need to be trustful.
How can she
trust me when she must sense my thought toward Tim? She
has to know I think of him. She has to! She knows me too
well already.
That is what
frightens me; she knows me so well that she knows how
to hurt me. The same goes for her I imagine. We are so
afraid of each other! Afraid of being hurt by the one
we love most. I love her so much that when she feels an
emotion, I feel it too. Which sometimes shatters my emotions
in two different directions.
I'm so lost.
With her I
am in pain. Without her I am in pain. Death cannot be
the answer. All I can do is pray with my might that all
turns right. For her, mostly. I can't give her happiness.
My love is not enough; she wants all of me.
I can't do
that. Not now. Not when I can't give myself anything.
Give up?
No, I am only
stepping back to examine the tragedy. In fact a tragedy
to Kelly and me.
So much felt.
Such sadness, loneliness, despair.
Death.
