saT.urday, oCt.ober 1st, 1988

I'm sitting here on the couch collecting my thoughts; what a good time to write in my journal. I got off work and I am now relaxing with a beer. Dif Juz is playing me into a stylish mood. There seems to be a glass plate placed in front of my eyes lately. The world (my environment) seems at a distance. I notice I am lacking goals which creates a loss of ambition. I like to be ambitious. I find nothing really wrong, except a withdraw from most things happening around me. This is not like me from the past. Although I am relaxed, my mind keeps nagging at negative points. I try and keep calm and easy going. Being accepting is hard. I keep changing at a quick rate. Too fast. It seems that there are two sides of me, pulling different ways. One with a very tangible world and one in spirit. The spirit has been more controlling than ever before. I would like to learn to be able to live a a tangible world while myself being of spirit. Not a very mixable substance. Oil and Vinegar. It is not the lack of sleep that makes me tired. It is more of the inner battle between two sides of my being. I have started becoming more of an observer of life. I sympathize with every concept. I must accept all. Being pure is not easy. There is much on the material world to lose; and I know that I live still for the material gain.

Peace,

Michael

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