Tonite I
am restless. All day I was restless.
My problem,
I think is because there is no one really in my social
life except for Kelly
and the cat!
How exciting!
Oh, I do
not know, I am happy with that at times, but still there
comes the times when I want to be in a room surrounded
by friends.
I know my
attitude has been very defensive towards people and
being social. I believe a big part of this attitude
comes from living with Kelly before.
She was being
so protective and possessive. I was conditioned not
to be social. Now that I am living with her again I
am in almost the same situation.
I would like
a close friend to confide to. Someone like cHRis
or Lisa.
And of course Lah.
Lisa does
live here in SF but remains very busy. She has established
a life that does not really cross with mine. She has
gone through some amazing changes. Most all for the
good. She has gone through LIFE SPRiNG.
Chris is
still in Paso,
living with his parents. He wants to move up here, and
I am supporting him all the way.
Lah is in
Redding. Going to school and coming here in the summer!
At least
it seems everyone is coming in this direction.
And so for
me; The direction of my life is uncertain. That is all
right. As long as I feel free to do as I please. I cannot
fight myself anymore. I do things because I believe
I can do them.
School helps
quite a bit. I would like more time to take more classes,
so I could dive into it.
Why do I
feel insecure?
