mornin!...

sittin' here ridin' the train.. and thougHt i would ramble a bit... haVen't felt like the "good ol reX." lately.. so i haVent felt like writing.. altHough i know it helps me.. so i should try and do it anyhew...

so here i go again... trYin' to get my tHoughts out.. and gettin' tHings back to normal in my life... ugggggH!.. it's really been a wierd couple of weeks..emotionally anYwHays

last week and this weekend were pretty good actually.. good things happened.. or should i say some great things... so it kind of picked me up... im readjusting to tHis cHange i have brought on myself.. so i needed some good stuff happenin.. so tHat's wHat i have been tryin' to focus on...

waNNa first just say happy birtHday to franKe... it wAs his birthday yesterday.. he turNed the big 30... missed not seeing him and making it very special for him.. although he had plans with family and was busy.. i still could not stop myself from feeling lousy about wHat i had done .. breaking up two weeks before his birthday.. i wished that i could have waited ... but tHese things are not scripted in real life .. like they are in melRose.. no more melRose.. only real life from now on.. heh! ..

so happy birThday puppy!!!!!... i miss you so much mann.. and wanted to make it special for you... you still are the most important thing to me.. and i hope tHat things are gonna get better for us.. maYbe standing back a bit and seeing our relationship from another perspective will help us.. i hope.. cause i want our relationship to continue.. i wHant more tHan anything for us to grow together... (ahhh.. i know he will never read this.. but feels good to get it out..)

i did get to talk with him a bit yesterday on the phone though.. we did make plans early in the week to meet up this weekend... but his family kinda took up all his time.. plus.. talkin' with him last night ..i think it woulda brought him down by seeing me.. and i don't want that .. so wHen we didnt get together i totally understood.. although i wHas bummed and very sad not to be able to see him on his birtHday.. and turning 30 is a big deal.. damN!.. i have horrible timing sometimes.. i have brought this on myself... and now i have to deal.. i kinda feel like my own enemy.. it wHas i wHo made this decision.. but i do wish i would have handled it better.. tHings were too built up..and i let it all out in wHays that i didnt intend... if i could rewind life.. i totally would.. but i can't .. iv'e made my own bed and now i have to lie in it.. (alone).

one more message.. to franKe.. "i love you...and miss you dearly.. you are around me all the time even if your not here in person or as my boyfriend.. im always going to have these feelings for you.. they wont go away.. and i don't want them too..you gave me so many good things.. i want you to know tHat.. not everything wHas bad... got so much to tell you wHen i see "..

ugggggggH! ... teary-eyed reX. on the train...

so hey! .. lets get into sometHin else here... huh? change the mood a little ..

met up with a bunch of people last week.. tryin' to stay busi here.. otherwise my head will think too much.. and ive done alot of thinking .. now i need to get active..

had a great dinner with keV from the kevcam ... wonderful to hang out with him.. and talk.. he and i are very similar.. and with differences .. that make it very interesting to talk to him... he brings out so many good things.. and reminds me of those things... tHis is a boy i would nominate webcam bachaler of the year... most eligiable.. and sweet.. he has been through alot with his relationships too.. and so it wHas nice to talk with him.. and get someone who understands with some perspective.. tHank you kev.. you are definitely a deAr buddy mann...

also met up with gene, me2 and andy! .. we went out to dinner at pasha.. a turkey (turkish) restaurant... i had a blast hanging with them.. ! .. great to finally see me2's and andy's face in real time.. andy is suCh a sWeet guy.. he's down in LA now.. but he promises to come back up for the pride parade and be on the reX.cam.. stir up some trouble with sam and myself..heh! .. tHat will be fun...he says he's gonna move here...hope so.. hope the LA boyes dont' change his mind.... at the resturant there were some exposing pix taken by gene and me2... tHat once they get them developed.. i will share.. but you will have to wait till tHen.. heh! ... but let me giVe you a clue.. it involVed money.. a seXy belly dancer... and learning some new steps... heh! .. chew on tHat one... ;>

met jason again on friday.. they guy from MTV's real world boston... he came in to be part of a beer bash we were having at apple.. we were presenting the "web to the edge" site..and the cool kid winners.. i had a great time hangin' with him before the presentation.. he wHas excited to be in front of the reX.workcam.. he called his friend leo to see him on the cam.. heh! .. wHas great!...there are some pix in the "reX a day" .. great to talk with him about his site..and sHare stories of fame! ..hah! .. he's got it down mann.. very down to earth and real.. i like seeing that .. he said he would come up and be on my cam again..and even do an interview ... so hanG on folKs.. maybe some cool thINgs might be happenin' soon...

so .. had another FEAST celebration... got some pix posted for yah to take a look at in the eVents area... check out the FEAST 3 pix link for them... didnt get there until wHay late...ugggH! .. had that presentation to make at apple and then met up with my old high school friend sarah.. and we got ready and went... wHas really nice to hang with her... we have known each other since i wHas a puDgy bunny in high school... can you believe tHat i wHas a pudgy boy my freashman in high school? ..heh! .. with braces even.. coming outta middle school wHas sorta like that movie .. "welcome to the dollhouse".. i wHas a totally dork ... heh! .. somethings never change...

hangin' with her wHas like old times.. and it whas great to hang with someone you have grown up with.. we bring out good enerGy from each other and had a blast at FEAST... she dressed a catholic schooL gurl...and i wore a cool bike shirt tHat someone had sent me.. it reads "oil me" ..hah! ..love it.. ! ..

saM the cam mann.. also came to help out with the funn... saRah pulled out a dog collar and a leash for him to wear.. wHat a seXy puppy he wHas! ..yum!.. we eVen convinced him to take off his shirt... double yum! .. he maKes a very sWeet puppy...

the croWd wHas funn... not a naughty as the last two FEASTs.. but people had funn posing in front of the cam... and think tHe caM got some great captures... make sure to check em' out...

met up with rob nasH... a great comedian that performed at FEAST ... we hung out on sunday for most of the day... met for breakfast.. took a long walk and got to know each other.. wHat a fantastic guy mann... he stayed at casa de reX. for dinner as well.. my good ol' "lets order out" .. went over well! .heh! .. tHis is a guy i gotta get to know better... ahhhh! .. yes..! .. i think i will...

well.. am on the shuttle now... heading to the big apple... so i gotta wrap this up...

thank you eVerybody wHo has been sending me emails about the breakup and the support... really means a lot to me.. i think i have gotten nearly 300 emails about people's relationships....wowo! .. we all go through these feelings.. so i know im in good company.. thanks again..

will write soon...

reX.

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