well .. monDAy night wHas a night of finales.. in more wHays than you tHink.. uhhhhhhgHHH..

first .. im glad tHat amandA didnt end up in jail or deaD.. but damn! .. tHat was such a lame enDin'to the final show.. it's like they decided to saVe money and wrap it all up in the last 5 minutes.. tHey could have easily created a tWo hour finale.. i loVe how leXy left michael standing in the pool.. heh! ..

ally wHas great!.. enjoyed that more than melrose... but didnt enjoy my evening liKe i thought i wHas going to... franKe's and my finale wHas right after the sHows...

yah... franKe and I broke up... some people emailed me askin' wHy i looked so upset the last day or so.. well.. noW you know.. don't feel much like writing.. and don't want to go into all the details.. not fair for franKe's life to be exposed on my site like tHat.. but am feeling wHay depressed and sad.. it's so fuckin' amaZing how people start relationships where tHey really groove on one another... and tHen after time.. perceptions of tHat person start to cHange.. i guess tHat happens after the honeymoon is over .. but damn.. i didnt want it to end.. .. i wanted to haVe someone i could groW with.. sHare my life.. my deep feelings.... haVE as a best friend.. tell me wHen im fuckin' up and still loVe me. ..unconditional loVe... boTh of us becoming better people because of each other.. damn! .. fucKKKKKKK! .. i HATE THIS FEEEEEEEELIN!!!!!! ... my inner selF.. iS just SCREAMMMMMMING!!!!!!!!!..

ALL i wanted to do for the last tWo days is go home like ally and lock myself up in my room and cRy!... im a pitifull mess.. i fuckin' wiSh mY life wHas a TV sHow.. cause i would just fuckin' turn it off...

but i have sHIt to do.. life is goin on around me... i haVe to wAit till tHIs weekend to have my total breakdoWn... i feel insane... and lost.. i dont want him to hate me... i dont want to hate him.. i just wish we could be together the wHay we were... i loVe tHat franKe sooooo much.. it's the guy i fell in loVe with.. ugggh! .. i felt tHis coming on a long time ago.. eVen before i wrote that letter to him on st patricks day... i wanted us to communicate.. compromise... but it just didnt happen... i trieD...tried gettin' through to him.. tried to let him know tHat things weren't right.. it wHas like hittin' a brickwall at 300 miles per hour... i failed.. i feel horrible and so depressed.. like soMepart of me died... the feeling in my cHest the last tWo days has been sooooo heaVy...

i feel wierd writting right now... i just don't feel like doing anything...

im sorry...

reX.

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