mann! ..hadd a sTrange ol' dream last night that keep with me all day... it started out bein' one of those dreams wHere you are somewHere that you don't really know.. but in your dReams you haVe been there a million times.. and filled with people tHat you are not familar but in dreamland you kNow wHo tHey are.. i tHink this has to do with past or fuTure lifes.. im not sure..

so eVerything wHas goin' alright.. don't really remember wHat exactly wHas goin' on .. and tHen i wHas in a house with my old gurlfriend kelly... we were liVing together again..

horroR!.. i first moved to the city wiTh kelly she and I were loVers... my first reAl dramatic relationship... this wHas during the time wHere i wHas moRe freaky..and into being "biseXual" ..actually i didnt like to define my seXuallity... i explained it like this.. I wake up in the mornin' and throw a dart.. where ever it lands is wHat i am.. i didn't like to classify myself.. nowadays .. i haVe no problem! .heh! .. but i wHas experimenting alot bac then.. discovering boys and gurls.. (mostly boyes..heh!)...

well kelly and i had a pretty intense relationship.. the bitch .. sHe called herself.. and she wHas proud of tHat.. heh! .. we were together off and on for about 4 years... from wHen i wHas 18 or so... it wHas a very co-dependent relationship... and we droVe each other bonkers even though we loVed each other very much.. we argueed all the time..and made scenes that make melroSe look tame.. we were quite the couple to watch and be talked about by our friends.. we were also a very attractive couple.. she wHas total model material .. a beautiful woman! ..

anyhew.. in the dream.. sHe had this sharp knife... and wHas coming at me.. (she never did this in real life!).. i wHas trying to stop her by forcing back the knife with somekind of fork or spoon or somethin'... sorta like sword fighters..where there swords are connected and each one is tryin to push the other back...

well.. i slipped.. and bam..! .. the knife went striaght into my ear.. and into my head.. it wHas a long knife.. and kelly screamed... she seemed suprised that the knife penitrated me... i wHas in shock.. and started to feel dizzy.. realizing i had a knife in my brain.. i started to fall slowly and remember thinking .. "why there's no pain... the knife is in my brain...and the brain wont feel pain.. itself... it only recieves pain from other areas of the body" ..

the world got darc and i woke up..

epsilon and kitty were curled up neXt to me.... i looked where franke usually sleeps and he wasnt there... i forgot .. he wasnt sleeping here tonight.. i hugged my kitties and fell back to sleep..

very wierd.. i think i died.. and i couldnt shake that feeling all day.. as i walked to work i wHas singing the "I love luci" theme song...but it wHas making me sad..and couldnt seem to finisH... without choking up... i miss luci.. and desi... somehow that poster in my office is making things wierd.. or bringin' up something deep.. im freaked... wHat does this all mean?

reX.

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