6.3.2000 :

reX.'s hoRRorsCope & moRnin' yaWn!

G R E E T I N G S Sagittarius

Your personal triumphs may be singularly unimpressive to those who've been there and done that. You know your accomplishments are something to be proud of. Maybe the people around you are different from how you'd like them to be. Steer clear of mismatched partnerships and seek out those that support and nurture you. If you are caught in a room full of jaded people, take a hint before embarrassing yourself. Don't tarnish or diminish all the good you've done. Find someone to appreciate it, and your needs can be met.

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ummmmmMMMMM.. my brain goes tHis morning...

woKe up this morning with a wierd haunting dream... dreampt of jo-jo.. my kid-brother cat of my childhood... i dreampt about the last time we had together.. when we said goodbye.. before i took him in to pass on.. in the fields.. i took him.. just he and i... he loved the outside.. he wHas indoors for all of his 19 years.. and loved to "escape" every once in awhile.. and go wander...

eVen though he wHas very siC. and knew he wHas dying.. he was tHrilled to be in that field... i remember crying.. and huggin' him.. and telling him we would never be apart.. that we would met up somehow... i remember how hard it wHas to leave him there at the vets... and walk aWay...

i woKe up shaking...thinking of who and who wasnt still alive here... and imediately the wHole world felt like it sank down on me.. too many realities... too many painful truths... it hit me hard this morning .. and started baWlin' like a little kid.. i felt so alone..

not a gReat wHay to start your day..

but kiTTies here.. wont put up with me cryin' these days.. and come up and remind me that "hey.. we are here..mann!.. we love you!" .. AND.."it's tiMe for breakfast..so get yourself right.. and get in there and fiX. us our nummies.. " .. heh! ..

i am not alone.. i know..

dREams are now so meaningful for me... been very symbolic.. and tons of messages have been gushing.. sinCe i am kinda not too with it.. and still not completely 100% in this world yet.. i think some of thoSe dReams have been coming in the day.. wierd.. it's like one foot in one world .. and another foot in another... like standing on a state line...

i dont know eX.actely what foot is in what world.. or even what the dreams.. or where the messages come from.. withen i guess.. the place i have been working on... since ePs passing.. tHose "woods" have alot of information and messages out there i suppose.. time for ePs and i to go further and see wHat is out there.. go eX.plore.. we did in this world.. now it's tiMe to really eX.plore the spiritual one.. and sHe's still right tHere.. beside me.. and now i feel jo-jo...

insaNe talk .. i kNow.. but havent felt very saNe .. lately.. and frankly.. im ok wiTh it.. for now... i know wHere i need to be.. and wHere i need to go now..

i feel death near me.. death is always near.. am im trying to define my relationship with it.. and with the redefinition .. there is conflict of what i have learned about death as a physical mortal person.. and now im learining about death in more of a spiritual wHay.. i dont know if im ever gonna sort it out.. but this journey im having right now.. is very interesting..and honestly.. i dont know wHo i am right now ... i feel like i have "died" somehow myself.. or something has passed on .. and now belongs soMewhere else..

huge cHange and sHift... this year.. 2000 definately will be infamous for that..

it's sinking in.. and hit as a reality.. im not a boy.. a child.. anymore..

i am a mann.. an adult... i have matured...

jo-jo took me through my childhood and lead me to my graduation of high school...

ePs.. symbolized my young adulthood and the boy still in me.. we moved to san francisco together in 1987 and she and i settled in with a new life here..

tHey both represent this child.. boy.. young adult.. that lived in this last century..

and noW? ...

baCk to reAliTy reX.