5.11.2000 :

reX.'s hoRRorsCope & mornin' yaWn!

Push gently and slowly against a solid wall after it begins to move. You've got enough leeway to leverage that the final steps will be easier than the first. Don't rush ahead too quickly as it may cause the process to crumble instead of to fall in one fell swoop. Issues will begin to be raised, but it is no time to rush into debate. Dare to hope that a few days of uncertainty and confusion are coming to an end. Avoid authority figures later in the day when a feeling of tough invincibility might return with a vengeance.

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woWo! .. is this really my website? .. i haVent been here in soooo long... i feel like i had just been a visitor here the past week or so..

seAttle really suCked me up.. my tiMe.. and enerGy... and foCused so much on the raDio sHOw .. worked with jeN. a hell of a lot on that.. and did pretty much 12 hour days if not more.. so didnt have alot of time to wRite.. although a million things were going on.. and wanted to .. not so much for the siTe .. but for myself..

i canT say that the trip was a good time for me to traVel.. i wanted to be at home for awHile to heal and spend time with eliZa and kiTTy.. last thing i wanted to do is leaVe them.. we all need eaCh other right now..but my presence wHas pretty much demanded.. and i couldnt get out of it.. but i maDe the best of it.. and did a sHitload of work .. and feel that the sHOw is gonna tighten up and really hit on some good sTuff.. no wHay wHas i gonna let this negative overtake me.. it wHas time to be a waRRior.. but daMn .. if i didnt cry like a fuckin' 3 year old everynite.. eX.hausted.. missing the kiTTies.. ePs.. floating through my mind.. and then quiting ciGGS.. my liFe didnt feel like mine at all.. eVerything had cHanged so fast... and i felt . so many things have been taken aWay without any control from me..but yet making neccesary sacrafices as well.... i kept hitting the cement so hard ... at certain times during my sTay... . wHen that rush and realazation that ePs wHas gone.. that sHe wouldnt be there wHen i got back..

am sCramblin' now to get sHit together for tonites show at the caSa.. so good to be home.. and with the kiTTys again.. eliZa draGGed out the caTTnip last nite and tHey both haD fuN being "sToned" kiTTies during the ranTs last nite.. i couldnt believe eliZa.. she pulled out all the toYs and maDe such a huge mess.. and both of them were at my siDe.. loVin' on me.. for the first time in such a long time .. i felt at home.. and seCure with my gurls... finally i could find some balance... now with three instead of four.. we have work to do...

tHey have been gettin' along better .. wired.. thing because of ePs not being here physically.. they are actually hangin' out more.. and am sure .. because i wHas gone.. they depended on eaCh other more.. am really happy to see that develop with them.. but they still fight like cRazy.. heh! ..... but i know they love each other.. so the faMily and the inner tribe is survivin' and back together again.. to start healing..

wHas very hard to come home .. as it wHas such a relief to be back..

i missed ePsilion's greeting... at the dooR.. i remember hearing her coming up the sTairs and her "quacking" ..

"im comming baby... daDDie's hoMe... " ..

 

baCk to reAliTy reX.