up and at em' today.. and lookin' at that new fRench press tHat tiM. bought me.. he's really a sWeetie.. and very cute too.. we have been hangin' out bit by bit over tHe last few weeks.. and i haVe been diGGin' it! .. ummm.. hanGin' out.. we aCtually knew each other for years online.. and finally we decided to meet.. gotta follow my own "take it to reaLity" and really gLad i did with him.. .. but tHese daYs i havent felt too good about myself.. my health got me down.. and before tHat tHe laYoff from gaybc... ePs' passing... didnt and dont feel tHat attractive.. silly but yah.. as i got more comfortable with myself in some wHays.. i got uncompfortable in others..
as you know i kinda vowed off relationships for aWhile .. and it's been a year and a half almost two years since fRanke and i bRoke up.. and there has been tHe lessons with the guys that i dated.. OH YAH! .. heh! tHen i decided not to date.. tHIs wHas right wHen i wHas leaving cHI-town last year..
during the last few months of "inventory" .. i had to do some rearranging.. organizing.. and face some truths about myself.. and with those truths i know that i long to be in a relationship.. and i have sort of stopped myself in the last year.. sorta did the "get the relationships outta your system" drug treatment rehab stYle.. i just stopped concidering people that i "daTed" or met as potencial boyfriends.. i reminded myself i couldnt possibly be in a relationship .. and i really looked at love.. or intimate relationships a drug.. .. tHey are intoxicating.. we get caught up.. and the wHay we are dRunk from loVE or attraction cam ecome out in vaRied wHays! .. OH YAH !!. on tHat one too..
as well as the truth that i want a relationship.. wHas the truth tHat i wanted it soooooo baD.. tHat in the past i rushed into it.. and never gaVe myself a cHance to get wHat i wanted in a relationship.. plus there were tHings in my life .. some of those "truths" tHat i had to work out.. tHat because i wasnt working them out.. or not eVen aWare of wHat my problem wHas.. i would blame the relationship.. think tHats' a pretty shared eX.perience.. wHen our loVed ones go through rough times.. we see it .. and sometimes it overflows in wRong places..
i wHas an addiCt i can say..??! liZ tayler wont talk to me anymore cause i have more eX.'s tHan her..! ..heh! .. only this isnt booZe.. or dope.. something tHat we never go back to.. after "the pRogam".. tHese are our pivital influences.. and yearnings.. our emotions.. something we need to seek.. and we know with some those things.. they can be repaired.. altered.. and tHe best tHIng eVer next to cReation.. is eVolution..
tHIs eVolved 33 year old fastly getting the gREy sPrinkles of tiMe currently in his natural born hair.. believes tHat i just have gone back to wHat i originally wanted.. someday a relationship.... but now.. im at the sTarting point again.. and hold my inventory close to me.. checking my notes.. but also letting myself go.. do i have follow the saMe path? .. or deny myself loVe.. ? absolutely not.. cause those gRey sprinkles talk volumes.. i baby .. i hear what tHeir saying..
so ? .. does it make any since? .. am i a pathetic raMblin' lonely 33 year old liVin' alone with his three catts.. course im never lonely with them here.. but you know.. im not gonna ask kiTTy for a date to go out to dinner.. or a blowjob!
hmmm.. i tHInk my cups of coFFy in the moRn.. is gonna have a wHOle new meaning..
reX.'s
raMbles!
up and at em' today.. and lookin' at that new fRench press tHat tiM. bought me.. he's really a sWeetie.. and very cute too.. we have been hangin' out bit by bit over tHe last few weeks.. and i haVe been diGGin' it! .. ummm.. hanGin' out.. we aCtually knew each other for years online.. and finally we decided to meet.. gotta follow my own "take it to reaLity" and really gLad i did with him.. .. but tHese daYs i havent felt too good about myself.. my health got me down.. and before tHat tHe laYoff from gaybc... ePs' passing... didnt and dont feel tHat attractive.. silly but yah.. as i got more comfortable with myself in some wHays.. i got uncompfortable in others..
