reX.'s
raMbles! . . .
saT.urday
aPril 27th, 2002
G
R E E T I N G S Sagittarius
You
may feel as if you're floating on air, but it's still
your job to watch where you step. The path has shifted
considerably since you last came through here, and
you will probably find that it's much tougher to navigate.
Try to take advice from friends and family members
without thinking demeaning thoughts about the speaker.
Focus is more important now than anything else. Once
you make it to the other side, you can relax and do
your own thing.
(the
path wHas wet this morning as i got up ..and wHas
greeted with kitty barf on the bottom of my foot..
a welcoming commitee of five caTTs smiled at me this
morn.. demanding thier "nummies" .. hard
time navigating with barf on my foot this morn.. but
what i really think this hoRRorscope means is the
familar uncompfortable feeling that has been cReeping
up on me... "iT." has not forgotten me..
nor have i completely dealt with it.. for awhile i
did some stuff to push it back.. take some control
of my life again.. the other side.. is where i am
aiming to go.. for my freedom.. and "iT."
i think doesnt understand that i need to overcome
these feeling that come with "iT." .. cant
have those feelings overwelm me.. cause it would be
definitely a drowning in an oCean of defeat.. )
---------------------------------------------
365
reaSons for a parTy!
- Birthday
of Ulysses S. Grant
reX.
& the ciTy! (seX.talk!)
duMp
eM! . mann!
saT.urday
aPril 27, 2002
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neW!
aPril reX. X.-files!
behinD
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---------------------------------------------
the
battle continues...
10:20 am
- gaRage de
reX. - baKersfield
fightin
"iT." again...
tHat cReepy
feeling.. of "iT." reminding me of the hauntings
of the past couple of years.. i try not to think to
hard of my old home.. it hurts too much still.. not
being in my home.. not having a home.. waking up in
my beD.. making coffy in my kitchen.. with my frenchpress..
playing with the kiTTs in my livingrooom.
eVen
with the the perspective of the reX.fugee and turning
the negative to positive.. the approach is not easy..
"iT."
had been pushed away for awhile.. i took control for
a bit.. when i dived into the world again.. went to
loN.don.. started dealing with my HIV.. and now thinking
of where i might be this summer other than hiding out
in my moM.'s garage.. in a town where im isolated..
and alone..
mann.. how
i missed daWn this week after she left.. i need friends
in my life like her.. in reality.. day to day.. i need
it.. i feel so alone.. and like im growing old and losing
what i hold dear..
i need to
fight this feeling of wanting to withdraw as a beaten
mann.. im not completely beaten.. i have half of my
life to still live.. and am not thrilled at the prospect
of living that last part of my life as a broken mann..
weak from the world's trials..
no..
no matter
what i feel.. i know that i can deal.. and if i cant..
well.. then i cant at that time.. and sometime i will..
i just will not give in to "iT." .. not the
life "iT." wants me to have..
i see other
things.. i know myself better than "iT." does..
"iT." plays on my insecurities.. my fears..
and everything that might bring me down and defeat me
from picking myself up again..
but "iT."
and i have a lifetime lease the wHay it looks right
now.. and have a feeling that i need to get a bigger
place.. which means eX.panding my mind a bit further..
and not let the eX.pectations that i have with my life
superceed and be open to new and uneX.pected things..
what i might
have never concidered a couple years ago.. somehow have
come up and have become attractive options to me..
how funny
how life goes sometimes..
lets see
how the rest of it goes..
----------------------------------
11:19 am
- gaRage de
reX. - baKersfield
it's
cool to hear my buddy...
mZ. eVil..
eVil geNe.. i miss hiM. and am glad to hear his voice
on his show..
he wHas trying
to get down here to visit me the last couple of weeks..
but his life is busy with things that require his attention..
oh mann.. i know about that ..
sending you
healing.. and sTrengthin' viBes my buddy..
here's to
hoping that someday we will be sitting on the couch
of sHame again someday..
viSions
..i will
get to the other side..
