10:27
aM
reX nest, caS.a de sLo...
gonna
meet with terry at 2:30...
he's got
a couple of recamendations for therapists.. for me to
check out..
so funny
as i checked out the slambook
today and found a discussion on therapy.. i had to put
in my two cents.. and charge five.. heh! ..
"i
think living and eX.periencing .. life .. from what
i have eX.perienced is our own therapy.. a "life
therapy".. continual .. with hurdles to jump and
lessons to learn..
inner
dialog with ourselves and with our tribe gives us some
balance and true wisdom on what we need to do .. but
we dont always follow the advice or have problems learning
the lesson.. and overcoming life's challenges and changes..
and incorporating balence from them.
so.. i
think sometimes it's great to get a non-involved person's
assistance when things get out of hand with life's therapy..
and our own natural methods of therapy become hurdles
instead of helpers..
im wantin'
to see someone to get advice.. confirm where im at and
what i need to do now as i heal some life mutatin' shit..
we all have different reasons.. or similar.. for seeing
a therapist.. mine is confidence on what direction i
need to go.. how i heal.. and the tools im gonna need
to do it.. and go back and face certain things in life
i want to overcome and become balanced from..
i think
if you spend too much time in the therapist's office
.. and still not feeling like you have made any progress..
maybe you arent really getting life's therapy.. and
perhaps the therapists chair becomes the hurdle.. and
maybe you should go outside and really look around you..
and what the world is trying to tell you.. take the
challenge of some of those reality lessons..
always
at least two wHays if not more .. when it comes to this
stuff.. cause it comes from our own personal perspectives
and life's eX.periences..
tHat will
be five cents pleaSe.."
...
yah.. i need
to make some money .. somehow.. so offering some life
therapist answers at five cents a pop sounds pretty
eaS.y.. heh!.
reMemer..
he aint a reaL doctor!.. lol!
so.. yah..
it will be cool meeting with terry and starting somekind
of dialog..
i still have
dreams.. yep.. and want to still make them realiTies..
but am finding that there are hurdles that i must deal
with before i can make them real.. or perhaps .. by
dealing with them.. that is the passage to some of my
dReams.. or others i havent eVen discovered yet..
it's funny
how life wRites it's twists and turns in the most interesting
times.. for me it's very "hitchcock".. heh!..
terry also
has some information about a radiology test i will need
to take to check out my bone densisity.. about a week
ago i went to a osteoporosis presentation that ended
with a screening..
they take
your foot.. and put this goo on your ankle and have
you put it in a tub that has two rubber bags with water
that inflates around your foot.. it reads the bone densisty
and gives you a read out..
they did
my right foot and got a low reading.. and then re-checked
and screened my left foot and still got the same low
result..
compared
to a woman my age.. i registered really low with my
bone densisty and fell into a osteoporosis range and
needed to follow-up with more tests..
this kind
of freaked me out a bit at first..
osteroporosis
is kinda an old-person's disease aint it? ..
the kind
of thing where you dont want to damage your bones..
cause they dont heal properly.. "i have fallen..
and i cant get up".. or you cant absorb the proper
amount of calcium or vitamin D.. and your bones start
crumblin' away..
my moM. has
it in her hip and lower back.. a couple years ago she
found out about it..
i felt kinda
lucky finding out about it now.. and having the presentation
before the screening to eX.plain what it is.. i thought
i would be learning these things perhaps to better understand
my moM.'s situation..
i wHas suprised
to find out that it would be a concern of mine!.. it
kinda defeated me in a wHay.. another high card for
'iT." .. and the hand it held against me..
but i realized
after a few days that it wHas something that "iT."
always held.. and i wHas just finding out about it..
and perhaps it wHas a hidden card that "iT."
had up it's sleeve that i wHas lucky enough to discover..
im lucky
cause it's not a card "iT." can play on me
yet.. and can do something about it to prevent it from
getting the winning hand.. cause osteroporosis is preventive..
and im finding out alot about preventive approaches
.. dealing with my hiv ..
i had to
put things in perspective.. to remind myself not to
freak about this eX.tra information i found out about
myself.. there were more important and pending things
to deal with ..
i cant lose
focus or will..
will thyself
to will..
i want to
wRite about that phoenix.. the one i started writing
about in san francisco.. and wHas telling jiMMy about
in the car when he dropped me off night before last..
moving just
one grain of sand is all you need to start to pull yourself
free of the pile of sand that buries you..
the next
morning he sent me this via email:
"The
phoenix has awakened, he has felt the energy of
the sun, has tasted the fresh air above, he moves the
first pebble of many, to once again soar the sky with
pride, and light the night with his fire."
i realized..
we all have a pHoenix that has tasted the eNergy of
life and what spiritually drives us.. but that gets
buried sometimes with so many things life can throw
at us.. but that is the nature and beauty of the pHoenix..
because without it's trials it must overcome.. to free
itself from the binds that enslaves it.. it would never
be able to have re-birth that makes this entity so powerful..
and incredible..
tHe pHoenix
allows us to free ourselfs.. reset.. with a re-birth..
more powerful than before..
i need to
find that sf..ramble.. re-read it.. write it up.. put
it on my site.. make sense of it.. understand what it
means.. and what im trying to do..
Your
imagination has been set free of the constrictions
it has faced in the past few days. Inspiration strikes,
setting all your senses on fire. Sagittarians without
an artistic bone in their bodies will become intensely
creative. Now is an ideal time to experiment in a
medium that has always called out to you. Be prepared
to get positive feedback from virtually everyone who
encounters your creations. Tonight calls for faith
in yourself. Believe it and it will be true!
