notes from my peT viRus
updaTe
! ...
- made contact
with the HIV support network and joined tHe Early intervention
pRogram here in SLO-town..
- met my
new doctor
- got blood
dRawn for more v-load vs. t-cells counts...
- transfered
my medical files and most recent lab results from san
francisco to SLO-town
- made a
request to EIP about getting a councilor to talk with
- thoughts
about volunteering my time / skills for an HIV cause
here in SLO-town?
- need income!
.. a job.. perhaps someday my own place again?
L
. I . F . E . Evaluation...
.. after
spending about 2-3 hours answering some intensive questions
from the L.I.F.E evaluation.. i found out..
- i really
have pooR nutrition / eXercise routines
- i feel
depressed / isolated
- i need
to build a support system
HIV
/ AIDES ... wHat is there to feaR? ...
the fear
hits me hard sometimes.. paralyzes me..
im aFraid
of ..
dying too
soon..
getting siCk
making someone
else POZ
discrimination
taking meDs
not being
able to work
losing friends
fucking without
condoms
being alone
and not taking a gamble on love / partnership
becoming
a statistic
looking like
im sick
loss of control
i fear...
tHat my fRiends
will die young
intimacy
how my body
looks
losing pride..
confidence
loss i opportunities
depression
fear of dying
(again)
sTopping
and never going again
loss of faith
and my beliefs
my dReams
going away
not having
kiDs.
igNorant
baStards!
my tRibe
getting POZ
that this
reaLLy IS a death sentance...
im aFriad
of..
getting to
know HIV too well
having a
life sentance with HIV and not knowing how long
LETTING HIV
/ AIDEs kill me
misunderstood
perceptions of wHat AIDEs is
the word
AIDEs
my "number
count" will go bad
dyin' alone
.. (oNce more)
tHat i have
done something wRong and am being punished for it
people treating
me different
people putting
me in my gRave before i am deaD.
im sCared...
that people
will be afriad of me..
that someone
may not want to hold .. hug or kiss me..
of the feeling
of being rejected from someone you like because you
have HIV
of eating
suShi
of the mindfucs
that tell me.. "im fucked"
of people
talking about my "condition" behind my back
cause they need gossip or drama talk
that my moM.
is scared for me..
i feaR..
that there
will never be a cuRe
that it will
continue killing people all over the world..
