11:11aM
caS.a de sLo ...
weNt
to rudolfs coFFy with daWn tHis moRning...
...looking
for loVe.. or lost loVe.. i felt her loSs and felt my
oWn.. i could hear the cReek next to us as we sipped
our coFFy cRyin' for us in the early slo summer suN..
we let the cReek take our teaRs.. aS. we got up to leaVe
and start our daY..
uploaded
aNother reX.
X.files and need to uploaD. some more..
...just called
the vet to see if eliZ.a's ashes are back yet.. tHey
werent .. tHey said they would call me wHen they did..
i'M.. tRying not to stress about this.. i dont like
not knowing where her body is.. even though i know that
i have her sPirit near.. i want it to rest and have
iD.eas now for a restin spot for ePs as well..
.. haVe to
get paN.dora to the doggie bath place and the the kiTTs
outta the caS.a this afternoon cause it's gettin' sprayed
for slo sPiders.. (only thing that aint slo here!) ..
maYbe we will dRive the kiTTs to the beach? .. ! heh!
.. they have neVer seen the oCean waVes.. and my OP..
suRf em' kiTTs.. ! ..
in a second
iM' gonna call a doC. here in slo town and see if i
can hook-up an appt. to check their serVices out and
get my count load result transfered down here.. i haVent
had the time to get them .. with moVing and then eliZ.a's
passing.. iM. now just getting back to eaRth.. (a part
of it.. but not of it.. heh! ) .. and dealing now again
with "tHe pLan" .. i outlined wHen i wHas
last in sf..
been feeling
stressed of course today.. i really felt it.. have been
getting kinda tense .. mostly with my body.. i find
now that my left wRist gets tight sometimes and becomes
sore.. wish it were from jacKin' off.. but.. it's not..
it just makes it harder.. ;)
a buTTerfly
just flew down and kissed mZ. coS.mos' ass! .. and she
didnt eVen realize it! ..lol! ..
we are outside
and the sun. feels so good with the oCean bReeze sNeakin'
over the coastal mountains.. eVery wHere i look there
is gReen.. the feeling is peaceful as i hear this small
town go about it's wHay... i hear the bluejay coming..
looking for coS.mos..
...
pLans...
cHange..
daWn's moM.
just callen and the eX.terminatiors cancelled wHich
means the pet paRade wont happen till moN.day .. yay!
.. and i can sTress less about that today.. wHew!
noW.. i need
to make some calls about dealing with my meDical caRe
and sTop being such a puSS.y myself and pushing it off
and just do it! ..
12:o3
pM
back poR.ch - caS.a de sLo
reX.
tuRns up the middle eaStern muSic...
...pRaises
buDDha with pinK.y .. lights up a marlboro and joins
the kiTTs again on the back porch...
noW.. tHat
wasnt so bad .. wHas it? ..
you called
the eaRly intervention program here in slo .. set up
an appt.. to get councilin' and info on what you need
for the direction you need to go with your health..
noW . we are talking needs here.. not wants or simple
desires..
i have a
huge need here..
.. to make
sHure i surVive...
like food..
water.. peace of mind.. and many other elements we need
. i need this.. and feel tHe difference with this need..
compared to my wants.. or habits..
tHis is a
need that makes me moVe forward.. releasing more of
me from the chains of my wants..
i aM. begining
eliZ.a .. watch me..
i will ..
myself to will ...
You
may be getting fed up with your current situation.
But is this frustration warranted? The romantic horizons
you keep dreaming about may, in fact, offer nothing
more than what you're getting right now. Before you
declare the neighbor's grass as absolutely greener,
make sure you've conducted all the necessary tests.
Chances are that your land is pretty verdant. You
may want to ask some trusted allies to point out a
few things that you have been missing. This conversation
could open your eyes
