8:17
aM
caSa de SLO..
mY
heaD. huRt.. haRd tHis moRn...
wHen i
rolled outta beD. and walked to the kiTchen to get the
kiTT.s thier "nummies"..
"no!..
i will
not get siCk!.. "
..."but
you are miC.hael reX. ... and you cannot ignore anything
right now.. cause if you do..
you will
get REAL siCk.. "
sickness
and one's realiTy sometimes dont mesh.. mine dont..
i dont want to get siC.k so therefore i tell myself
i wont and when i do.. i try and hide it.. especially
nowadays.. with HIV.. i dont like telling others im
feeling siCk.. even if it's just a headache.. there's
already a certain "feeling" that is associated
with being sick and also being HIV+ and hate to propel
it .. i dont want people thinking that iM. siCk.. REAL
sick.. and gonna diE..
i dont
want to tHink tHat..
eVeryone
is dYing eVeryday.. HIV or not.. we each have a paTh..
we are liVing..
now we
live in a tiMe where we have seen so many people with
HIV living healthy lives and... liVing!...tHere's alot
of liFe these days.. we also remember alot of people
who got siCk and went to thier neX.t life after liFe...
we cant forget .. and still it's associated..
i keep
telling myself .. when i start letting my mind go in
that direction of those who have died from AIDs
"it's
not my paTh"...
i say
it cause iM. sCared it might be and want to do anything
to avoid it..
eVen the
book iM. finishing up.. "Signals" .. by Joel
Rothschild mentions "it's not my paTh" when
he wHas faced with losing his fRiends to AIDs and his
own battle with his health .. to liVE.. in a time before
..now..
the mind
plays games with us.. and leads us to interesting places..
sometimes.. a made up fuTure about ourselves and others..
where we will be? .. what will happen? how we are feeling?..
i get caught up in it.. and feel that future with my
emotions now..
but..
it is "now".. and i remind myself that wakin'
up with a headache and feelin' a little "uccccky"..
is huMan.. and will happen.. and it's ok..
i tHink..
cause..
each time i feel "uccccky".. i woN.der for
how long and if i will still remain healthy.. and my
mind starts going to those places..
Someone
is telling you something that's awfully important.
Are you listening? It's your prerogative to exercise
selective hearing, but if you hold this person in
high regard (and chances are that you do), then make
an effort to listen. You'd be surprised at the results.
Sometimes, the most profound display of friendship
simply means nodding your head at the right time.
You'd hope that they could do the same for you.
