11:45 am / Henderson, NV. (mom's back patio)
wHat a "fRiggin'" week mann!
came to mom's almost a week ago - supposed to be back at work tonite but mom went into the hospital day before last.
phenomena and congestive heart failure again. sCary last day and half and am still scared.
she wHas in a bad wHay mann... 3:30 am we woke up and mom had a fever - throwin' up and shaky as hell..
jacki and i tried to take care of her - and we did , but wHen she couldn't respond. I know it wHas time that she needed more help than we could give her.
she has stabilized though with meds and care from the hospital and may come home tonight if not tomma.
i extended my stay - to make sHure she wHas alright and figure i will go home on thurs.
just want to make sHure she is stable and getting the home care that is needed. we have plans of a therapist and nurse that will come by her home to check on her and that makes me feel better.
but...
i am thinking that i need to be closer to her. in case of situations like this.
do i move here to vegas?
it would be easier than her moving across the country to chicago for sHure - but how do i leave what i love in cHicago?
tY...
love him - don't want to leave him - we are moving closer into each others life everyday.
and my support / friends that i have made - laWrence - cRaig - sHigi - auDrey - people i love and are close with - it would be very difficult.. something i need to think about and make wise decisions and plans.
12:50 pm
I quit ciggs as i came out here - made it three wHole days before the stress of mom's hospitalization got the best of me and i gave in...
it's alright for now - i still plan not to smoke when i return to chicago.. I've proven to myself that i can do it - besides wHen i get back - cHicago will be a non-smoking city - no more smoking in restaurants and that will be a great supporter for me while i work in one..
tY... while i am out here has rid my house of my beloved funky cool ashtrays and i plan not to smoke ciggs in my house anymore..
the kitts will be so happy about this and so will i! no more smoke stink on my clothes and in my house! . yay!
getting reaD.y to see mom in the hospital.. it's walking distance - thank god! and i love walking.. gives me time to think.. it's sunny and somewhat warm today - i hear it's warm in cHIcago as well..
need to call LT and check in with him. he's been going through some tuff times and also has quit smoking.
I miss my kitts so much right now and can't wait to see them when i return - can't wait to also see tY and hold him tight - sleep with him by my side.. i am getting used to him sleeping next to me..
i wonder if we are going to live with each other?
i haven't done that since frank and franke..
it's a nice thing to think about and think maybe it's time to get more serious about our relationship.. i don't want to scare him away - but think that he feels the same - lets see wHat happens..
10: something pm
mann it gets chilly her in las veGas .. real quick! like chicago in a wHay...
today wHas good.
over all - i realize
all has come together
in a certain
wHay
that always needed to happen
the pieces fit perfectly
and i feel like im in an emotional metaphoric movie...
moVie moments
many
tHis tRip
to veGas...
fear & loathing
not
but sCary things
that
bring liFe
meaning.
