Well I've pondered
Tim. Then pondered again. It's still the same feeling.
I'm very much in like with him. So, what do I do? I am
living with Kelly and Sharol in San Francisco and he will
be living in LA, some 450 miles away. No! I've cried myself
to sleep the last two nights. It's not like me. I don't
have these emotions. Tim is bringing out things that I
never thought I could possess Crying! My god I've never
really cried for anyone, except Rhett. I feel that I've
found the person I could really learn to love and before
I even can start, he's being ripped away. Is the love
story really happening to me? Am I capable of loving someone?
Hard to believe. Living in San Francisco is going to kill
me, I know. Kelly says she won't push, but I know she
will. Damn it, anyhow! I need to make money so I can support
myself. I want to live by myself. Everyone thinks I'm
a sleaze. I am not! Kelly think I am too "sociable"
Fuck! I can't help getting to know new people. It's ingrown.
Besides, If I didn't. I would not have met Tim. Since
I first saw him, I wanted to get to know him. Not sexually,
just get to know him. I'm glad we didn't have sex at the
beach. Just holding each other was satisfying enough.
I thought about having sex with him. I enjoyed the thought.
Wither we do or don't in the future I don't care. Sex
is overrated and should be careful with sex with a person
one really cares about. I care so much for Tim, it doesn't
matter. I don't want to ruin anything we have right now,
or anything that may come. I thought of him continually
while I was in S.F. I can't believe I am crying over someone!
It feels so good yet painful at the same time.
Can't write
anymore...
- Dane
