Today is Greg's
birthday.
Happy twentieth
Greg!
I wrote him
a card, all I have to do is buy postage and mail it.
Good luck.
I think I have
a new friend., His name is Shannon. He is really great,
I like him a lot. Last night, the night before, and the
night before that, I've spent fun evenings with him.
Not sexually.
The last time
I had sex (or in this case; make love) was with Kelly.
Now Shannon
is gay, but I don't think he is attracted to me sexually.
LATER:
6:00 PM
Class was alright
today, we learned how to make beds.
FUN!
Anyways, back
to Shannon, I think he is a really neat person. He is
attractive and has a fantastic personality and humour,
which is his best quality.
Here I am at
Farm Boys drinking coffee, hoping that I will get some
energy. I have been so tired, plus I have not been able
to sleep well. (Maybe four or five hours a night) It is
catching up with me.
I did mail
Greg's letter today so that is one other thing I accomplished
today. I did not workout today because my mother needed
to be taken to her doctor's appointment. She has chest
pains. It frightens me, and I am sure it frightens her
too.
Tonite, hopefully
I will spend the night at Mike and Angie's house with
Mike W. and Chris. Tomorrow I can stay at Lisa's house
and Saturday and Sunday I can spend the night at Richard's
and Paul's room. (That is IF Paul goes skiing this weekend).
Don't take
me wrong, I am not sleeping around (sexually).
Yes, I think
I would like a male lover, a friend. Close companionship.
I yearn to be with someone.
Prospects:
Shannon or MIke W.
I must make
myself vow not to ever become sexually involved with Christian
or Chris,
although I am attracted to both. The reason is, is that
they both know Kelly. Kelly and I have an agreement, she
understands my understanding of sex.
It does not
mean that I am "in love" with a person if I
have sex with them. She knows that I will have sex sometime
that I am here. It is almost impossible.
Everyone has
sexual needs.
Kelly told
me just not to have sex with anyone she knew. Understandable,
and completely reasonable. The reason is that she doesn't
want people that she knows looking at her and thinking:
"Michael
doesn't really love you."
Knowing her,
I can understand this. I need to call her tonite.
Richard is
attractive too. (The most out of all the three, physically).
Shannon's personality and warmth, Mike W's cute face and
glasses (not to mention he has a "nice" ass).
Richard's total
sex appeal. Can't try anything with Richard though, because
he is living with Paul. They are lovers. So, I can't do
anything with Richard. (Unless maybe he started something.
Dane you ARE a bastard!)
I can't believe
I am writing like this! I think it is because I haven't
been with a male in sooooo long!
I am sexually
deprived, and it shows.
Shannon said
to come over today, sometime when I get off work. I didn't,
or haven't gone over because I don't want to smother him
or look too willing. Although I am! He hasn't even hinted
anything, nether has Mike W. nor Richard. (Richard I think
I should write off It would be too low, even for me)
I don't feel
attractive. I wish I did. I wish I had power. So does
everyone. Join the club.
If they would
only give me a sign. I hate making the first move. I hate
rejection.
GOD! believe
me, even though I write all of this junk; I still love
Kelly. (And hold a special place for Tim).
...back...
