I crawl into
bed and say, "baby".
It is sad,
I am sad, she is sad.
I'm home, the
first night.
OH GOD, CAN
I DO IT? !!
I totally want
to seclude myself. Her pillow, her scent, her being.
David surrounds
me.
Pain.
Deep.
Real.
Numb.
Void.
I can't do
anything. I am calm, though. It is a bizarre peace of
mind. I think I am fooling myself. I am headed towards
a nervous breakdown. No job, no money, I just left the
one person who give me happiness.
Yes, Lisa gives
me happiness, too, but not the same kind. All is well
between Lisa and I. I am grateful. I need her silent support.
To just know that she is there is enough.
Blankness.
My mind is
so burnt. The pain is so deep., It does not even hurt
now.
I could not
even get a hold of Kelly on the phone this evening. The
line was busy all night. Maybe it was off the hook? It
had to of been.
Accident or
intent?
Can she talk
to me?
I know that
when we talk again, she and I will cry. This is all too
intense. I need to "anew" myself again. Put
up a front. Only I will know me, and of course, Kelly.
I can't hide myself from her, it is impossible.
I need sleep.
I start a new
life in the morning.
...back...
