4.12.2000 :

goiN' to the wooDs to be witH tRibe

aHHH... goD.

mY baBys reaDy to go to tHose wooD.s i have been cReating in my mind ... tHe wooDs giVe my tRibe a meeting place.. a spirtial land... been talking alot to mY granDma .. and sHe's tHere ready for her.. ready to greet her..to make suRe sHe doesnt get sCared.. to know tHat sHe is loVed.. and to maKe suRe sHe finds her wHay..and i will be on tHis siDe helping her find her wHay to granDma.. and i will be tHere in the wooDs... as well to greet ePs... . wHas there last nite... with gRandma.. sHe sTroked my head.. and i cRied in her laP... i wHas just a baBy again.. and sHe told me .. yah.. like ePs did yesturday wHne i put on my wArpaint.. tHat i am a wArrior..

mY cHild is dYing... inside .. i canT desCribe tHe paiN... intollerable.. rippin'.. and mind delusions..dRifting from memoRy to memory.. and to the final moments we haVe still toGether..

im doin' the best i can .. doin' the best for her.. sHe's telling me it's time.. so im just getting tHose wooDs. reaDy for her.. i keep telling her about it.. and we went there for awhile last nite after our dinner.. sHe liCked and bit my noSe .. and maDe me lauGh... wHas telling her to sTop.. but will want tHat from her forVer...

we boTh aGreed.. ePs and i...aFter spending the daY together yesturday.. . dR. cHase will come over this afTernoon.. beTween 4 and 5.. to perform tHe eUthanasia... ePs loVes dR. cHase... tHe doC. madE housecalls here at the caSa.. and ePs and the other kiTTies were gooD. for theiR sHOts cause they kNew they got the plastiC caps of the neeDles to play with aFter..

mY baDy is reaDy. and it's gonna be haRd as hell.. but it's about her right now.. and not my selfish morTal world.. we have the wooDs .. wHere we will be together.. mY sprit needs a brieak right now from the mortal worlD.. and am happy that sHe still will teach me to be happy.. sHe did it in our mortal world.. now.. i believe sHe's gonna teach me something about being happy in my spiritual world.. we still have awaY to travel.. she and i... it's not done yet.. we just take it to another level..

bless her..

siTTin' here right now beside me.. as i wRite.. im turning to her and kissin' her.. consulting her on wHat to saY.. sHe's been the best editor i eVer have.. and spells better too! .. heh! .

sHe feels the bReeZe of the open window on my beD. and kitty and eliZa a near... ready to help her make her passage this afternoon..

geNe .. taYler and kelly are coming over this afternoon... geNe is bringing over some more bubbles to blow for her..

blew some this morn for her.. and she actually meowed ...

sHe's been very tired.. hard for her to breathe.. and wHen i come over .. and pet her.. sHe trys so hard to puRR.. it makes it harder.. so i have to give her breaks.. i leave some of her faVorite things around her... her "sCratch-it-up paD."... the poloroid of her.. me and the other kitties.. in the hallway.. some toys .. all of tHese tHings in case sHe needs any kind of compfort.. its more for me.. i know..

sHe could care less.. eX.cept for the buBBles and the kisses.. sHe likes those right now.. and the floWers that just caMe in from sTellar networks.. put them neXt to her.. and sHe is diggin' them.. sHe wHas so eX.cited to get something delivered to her.. just as she eVer wHas ..wHenever i brought something home.. or wHen someone came over.. it's all for her..heh! ..

buRn.. paiN.. tears again... so many tears.. hurtS..baD.. hoRRible.. helpless..

mY child .. my baBy.. my bo.. im gonna miss you here..

noThing i can do to sTop this.. i need to be her wArrior right now.. and help her get to the wooDs where sHe will sTart her neXt adventure with me.. and the tRibe..

i loVe you ePsilon... goD. how i loVe you..

 

 

baCk to reality reX.