reX.'s rambles

3.11.2000 :

found a wHole bunCh of poetry tHat i wRote wHen i wHas about 17-18 back wHen i lived back hoMe.. in san luis obisPo.. acTually paSo roBles but sPent most of my tiMe back then .. at a caFe called leneas on gaRden sTreet..in sLo... i haD. a "slambook" back then.. a noTebook i wRote all my thOughts.. i would sit in the caFe.. dRink laTTes.. and mochas.. and wRite ... mY fRiends would also wRite in there .. just like the slambook we have now .. sorta..

well anYwHays... seeM.s back tHen .. around 1984-86..wHen i wHas calling myself "daNe" .. i wRote a book called "message to miChael - noTes from daNe" .. i haD. totally forgot about thIs book of poetry tHat i typed up so neat and paCked aWay.. and recently... wHen i wHas cleaning out my sCary closet .. i found the book i wRote of about 100 or so poeM.s..

heh! .. goin through all the poems.. i do see mY 18 year old self..a young rebel/goTh/punk/freak.. looked like death..and wHas changing my hair colour every other week.. wHas .. .just coming out..so maNy emotions were going on wHen i was finally going out on the world on my oWn and redefining my seXuality.. heh!. like now..

all the poeMs seem so wRaped around love and decay... heh! .. some are very depressing.. i laugh at my young selF and how dramatic i wHas (hmmmm.. sometHings never cHange).. and yeT.. i wHen i read tHese again.. years later.. .. somehow tHose emotions i haD. still ring true.. some of those notes daNe took... were lessons i wHas learning .. and some of those lessons haVe been learned... and some of tHose lessons im still faCing... and find myselF doing some maJor reDining..

theres still a meSSage tHat is clear to me noW after all tHese years.. and almost wept that i wRote myself such a wonDerful giFt for years to come..here i am in a neW century .. looKing back at the last centurY.. and the boy i wHas..foRever noW only a memory... and tHe boy tHat is still in me as a maNN i am todaY..

tHank you daNe... i loVe you and am gRateful for your giFt..

so.. heRe's one from the wRitings.. and reMember... daNe wHas only about 18... coming out.. and finally going inWard to his own feelings..

hmmmm... looks like i keep doin tHat..

 

Wave Inward

Breaking waves
  Broken homes
    Broken hearts and love
         your love
              mine
           like waves, inward
  Too beautiful to see 
       not enough though' 
       to make me hungry
  through waves we break 
       the birds still fly
            as we do break 
       the birds still fly
            teasingly: 
            as we do break
  It's been done a million of million
       we are one;
       but now part of mass
       the mass breaks 
            as we do break 
            over over over
            as we do break 
                 over again
            a million of million
       For you, this once 
       For me, forever
            I break the mass
            I break as waves
            a shore never reached 
              until no more
                      waves 
              come inward.

baCk to reAliTy reX.