reX.'s
raMbles! . . .
suN.day.
sepT 30th 2001
G
R E E T I N G S Sagittarius
While
everyone else is nodding in agreement, you can't help
but think 'so what's the point?' The old stories have
a tendency to drive you crazy when you hear them once
too often. You're more than ready to try something
new, even if you're sure that the result will be failure.
The Pisces Moon helps you point your arrow at a different
target, but you're the only one who can shoot it.
Make sure your arm is steady and your aim is accurate.
(
change.. yes.. gotta change.. change is unavoidable..
and at this point - it's so needed.. im about to burst!
)
---------------------------------
tHe
suNday before the full mooN.
11:13 am
messages
toM :
" are you gonna make it for bRunch? "
wHitefeather
: " honey..watch that cough - newmitisis
could be developing and happens to HIV+ folks. tHeres
a health clinic in the mission you can check out at
17th and sanchez "
cLam :
" just concerned - have fooD. for you and company
if you need it - im here.. love you reX. "
---------------------------------
6:22 pm
eDits in the sLambook? ...
uggh!.. now if im not editing my slambook book why
would someone else? ..
someone is..
we know who it is..
they have
37 registered names and when an unregistered user posts
an offensive message.. im told he registers their name
and then deletes the message.
instead of
castrating and exposing them here in public.. i would
like to ask that person to stop.. or else i will just
shut down the slambook all together for a bit.. or will
need to do something else...
i have allowed
tons of freedom here at my site.. and have not edited
anything ever except when john from gaybc told me to
take down some shit that wHas being spread about him
on my slambook.. i dont usually do this .. but since
he wHas my boss at the time .. and a master of intimadation
(take it down! or lose your job! hah! .. i did anywHays!)
i kinda felt it wHas neccesary..
now it's
neccessary to watch this person that has been deleting
and editing other peoples words... and ask them .. cause
i know they have been around for a long time.. that
they respect my site.. and it's visitors.. and let my
site develop as it has over the last few years.. with
the honest opinions and expressions of it's community..
wither we agree with them or not..
so.. this
is hopefully my first and last post about this situation..
lets see if this request to let my slambook develop
on it's own without an editor will be respected.. and
if not.. well.. hopefully we dont have to even go there..
this situation
should stop now .. if not.. well.. we will know..
and if this
person would like to come forward and tell me .. or
everyone.. why they have been doing this.. i would be
more tHan curious to know wHy..
tHanking
you..
---------------------------------
7:00 pm
tiMe
to faCe north on the full mooN.
it's so damn.
hot! have all the windows open and fans going and now
watching this "almost" full mooN. take over
it's night shift and sending the hot suN. to the other
side of the world.
it's
Indian summer now in sf - and bet it made for a wonderful
day at folsom
street fair - hot sWeaty - leather men squashed
into one little (big) area to celebrate the more raunchy
side of seX.uality. it makes for a gReat vision-quest
and with a hot day like tHis im sure - miller - bud
- or cooR.s made thier buck today fRom alot of almost
if not nakid men.
i heard the
daNce music from the caSa today as i sNoozed on the
couch of sHame - avoiding the daY - i wHas not in the
mood to celebrate - eVen "tHat" side of my
seX.uality that i fully enjoy..
not noW.
noT today.
it's not
approprate - the warrior and heRo sTill have much to
do - and my time is running out.
in
tWo day i will be offically homeless
and eVen
though i have place to stay - it really trips me out
- yesturday i battled tHIs feeling (monster)for hours
with the wide spread dialog in my head on the couch
of sHame
fRozen -
i couldnt move - my head wHas to heavy to even get up
- to pick up a pen and write.. to even call someone
- i just had to sit down and tHink
finally after
hours of triping on tHOughts in my head .. i got up
and fReaked.. happened while i wHas packing - my fRiend
rocky come over early in the morn - i wHas freaking
out alone here.- and he said he wanted to help - so
we hung out - in the bare-walled casa that wHas once
filled with so many items collected over the years -
each item carryin' it's own story and memory - all now
carefully packed aWay - it's been like a sCary preview
of my death and that unavoidable act of sorting through
a person's life - taking it down - throwing or packing
it all aWay - along with the memories with that person
tHere has
been a hell of a lot of intropection and reflection
as i have been able to organized and sort through my
belongins - tHere is also a death.
a permanant
cHange that will effect me now for the rest of my life
- i dont expect anything to last forever as it is anymore
- no matter how fitting it is with my life.
life isnt
supposed to work that wHay - and eVen though we can
"bRainwash" ourselfs to think that everything
is "perfect" deep down i know everyone knows
that life cant be controled like that. life gives us
chances to change and may not deal us a winning hand
with this unique poKer game - wHere bluffing makes the
loser look like a winner.
i
will probably be up all nite again - packing the rest
of the living room - then the lounge..
... tHen?
tHat's the
real sCary part... i can plan and know wHat i want next...
but it depends on wHat i'm dealt and how i play that
next hand.
i know as
i lovenly pack eP's wooD.s - sHrine to be unpackedsomeday
- somewHere else - that im never going back. just like
someone you love passes on and travels to tHat next
"unknown" - you wish you could physically
bring them back. but tHen we know that's impossible
and that makes us miss the point of the wHole "passing
on" thing. - as people still living in this physical
world - we carry the memories and influence of tHese
departed forwared and let them live withen us - still
influencing us as we continue to play our hand.. just
one less player.. to be dealt.
it's not
about winning the "life" poker game - it's
about how we play our cards - wHat we do wHen it's our
turn to recieve new ones - it's about knowing wHen to
hold or fold (kenny rogers song plays in my head) -
it's about staying in the game continually evolving
your strategy - it's about moving forward.
some
folks think my computer will be the last thing that
i pack - but actually it will be the kitts.
eliZa last
- she has to make sure things are in place.. i know
her. and onCe my inner tRibe has been packed it will
be time to
"faCe
north on tHat full moon"
and moVe
forward...
---------------------------------
8:08 pm
mZ.
coSmos teaches us a new tRick...
heh!
kiTTy and coSmos are taking turns chasing toys i throw
down the sCary hallwHay from thier big basket of toys
sitting by my desk - first mZ. coSmo's game - tRained
over time i wHas - mZ. coSmos taught me how to have
the basket of toys next to my desk wHere i work so i
could easily deliver her request of "get the toy"
( her fung sHway! - her wHay!) - now it's habit to be
working or doing a radio sHow and leaN over and tHrow
one for her - looks like sHe's tRaining kiTTy now too!
heh!
---------------------------------
8:20 pm
- buy flinTs
---------------------------------
8:58 pm
a
kiTT claw and the rebuilding after the sTorm...
found a kiTT
claw in hallwHay near BR door (eliZa's ?) wHIch means
good luck everytime i find one (usually wHen vaccuuming)
so im gonna make a wish on this one.
i
wish tHat my kiTT's understand tHIs move with comfort
and happiness tHat allows them to moVe forward ahead
with me with eVen more sTrengh - courage and loVe for
our iNNer tRibe.
listen..
understand and remember my kiTTs - tHat after a horrific
sTorm tHat wipes out the village - but not all the people
of the tRibe ..
tHat..
tHe tRibe
rebuilds
and
tHey rebuild sTronger to face and protect them from
tHOse sTorms and face bigger ones...
we haVe each
other kiTTs ... and tHat's all we need to sTart rebuilding
our village.
sHall we
rebuild in kauai? heh! ..
---------------------------------
10:18 pm
a
sLeep oVer...
rocKy...
tHanks again. am missing you already.. just wHen you
and i started hanging out together and started to get
to know each other.. i haVe to jaM. on you...
you are a
very cool man... and dont plan on losing touch with
you. somehow.. you are very special to me.. you are
the only one in such a long time that slept with me
in my beD. - reX.'s rule: "donT let em' sleep over"
.. looks like for you i cHanged that rule.. hmmm ..
more tHIngs changing it looks like.. im so glad you
hung around.. and werent just a fuC.
you are my
fRiend.
---------------------------------
moRe
visions ...
