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tueS.day
maY 20th, 2003
 You
won't get where you want to go by beating around the
bush. If you know what you want, don't be afraid to
come right out and ask for it. You may be unusually
focused on money at the moment, but using the direct
approach can also work for you in this area of your
life. Once you lay out a plan and set clear goals
for yourself, there's very little that you won't be
able to accomplish. Avoid mixing money with friendship,
however, as this can be a bad combination.
(...so
my idea about "buying" a friend isnt so
good? .. heh! i wouldnt be able to afford it anyhew..
money is very tight..and friendship comes at a very
high price.. tHat doesnt involve caSh... im starting
to learn that the bush that we beat.. will soon beat
us if we let it.. there should only be one "bush"
that we beat.. and that dont cost a dime...and is
a great anti-anXiety treatment.. remember.. may is
masterbation month...lol!)
subject: Hey reX.y!
It's been
a while since I've talked to you or been to your web
site...But it made me cry....I know you don't remember
me, but you have impacted my life...
Oh, god...I'm
so sorry to hear about your health condition...I don't
really know what to say, but I know you'll be ok...you're
a fighter dude...Believe it not, you tought me how to
fight...
I would have
posted this on your "slambook" link, but I
tried to
register...and have not got a response yet.
Get well
buddy...
Your Friend.
P.S. Tell
Sara I said hi next time you talk to her.
- - -
- - - -
thankyou
patrick..
been feeling
better.. getting my strength back.. and courage.. your
words remind me of the warrior inside me.. and yes..
it will be ok.. :)
good energies
to you bud..
xx
reX.
subject:
hoW.day!
reX,
You are up
early. Hope things are going a little better. I am trying
to figure out how I could make it to Chicago in late
July for a day or two. Have you been able to get a handle
on your rent help? Let me know.
Gerald
- - - - -
- -
hey mann!
..
 good
to hear from you! .. just sat down and your email came..
:)
now that the medication has kicked in .. im feeling
better.. been working out and doing yoga to build up
my strength.. especially since chris will be here for
IML weekend .. that is something im really looking forward
to.. im doin' acupuncture as well as massage and seeing
a nutrionist.. my health is my other part-time.. becomin'
full-time job.. :)
it would
great to see you! .. let me know when and if u need
a place to stay.. my couch opens up to a bed.. (if i
can figure it out!)
just got
all my medical records transferred back here from california
which took awhile.. but now they are here.. and last
week i filled out an application for hopwa.. which might
assist me with my rent and also applied food resource..
so i can keep myself fed well.. i will find out sometime
this week about my application.. just wHas able to pay
for all my bills this month.. and now saving for this
months rent.. chris is coming so i will probably be
a little "bad" and go out a spend a bit..
but havent been out hardly at all since i have been
here and think i should make the investment.. also thought
about investing in a full-body harness for IML to replace
the one i used to have.. since all my leather gear is
in california and i can look / feel a little seX.y when
cHris and i go out..
it feels
so good to pay my bills and start to feel a bit normal..
once i have started councilin' and start to build up
my courage again.. im goin' to start looking for other
jobs.. or maybe go back to school... something.. that
will inspire a dream.. or passion.. it's been too long
since i have had that drive..
love you
buddy..
thank
you for talking with me the other day.. it meant alot
to know that my tRibe is there..
xx
reX.
"hey
moM.! .. look at me! .. im in cHicago!"
i cant believe
that in a couple days it will be three moN.ths that
i have been in cHicago.. happy aniversary reX.!
. thats one
quarter of a year and an investment towards the rest
of your life.. at the end of one year .. you bet there
will be changes.. change from how you felt when you
left your home in san fRancisco.. who knows maybe i
will return to sf after the year is done here.. i miss
it so much.. even though im taking each day as an adventure
here in cHicago and making the time here .. a healing
one.. maybe i will stay? .. find something that will
keep me here.. will i fall in love with cHicago the
wHay i fell in loVe with san francisco? maybe i will
move somewhere else.. ? new meXico? .. aRizona? .. where
the tRibes still gather.. and spiritual land awaits
me? .. or maybe i will go bigger.. new youRk.. loNdon..
go face to face with the world.. maybe it will be in
search of paB.lo in coSta riCa.. or somewhere in the
heaRt of meXico with myan pyramids to climb..
home is aWareness...
and how i
feel.. how i look at tHings.. wHere i feel seCure..
i think i
will be forever searching..
cHanging
the rules as the liFe sCript cHanges..
i will sTart
wRiting it out now.. thinking of the outcome.. how it
will continue.. climax and end..
but none
of us know..
wHat that
liFe sCript has in sTore for us..
it has a
liFe of it's own..
ours..
coMing
hoMe and finding a message from my buddy eVil
geNe... (mZ. coS.mos ran up to the aNswerin' machine
wHen sHe heard your voice.. wanted to know wHen you
were coming over.. the iNNer tRibe misses you.. )
sLambook
: paXil CR
very interestin'..
all of this.. talk about paXil CR in the sLambook
these days from the "good news .. or bad news"
post.
my short-term
plan is to take a low dosage of paXil CR .. as low as
i can take.. for 6 months.. durrin' that time i want
to get some councilin'.. therapy .. or whatever.. more
yoGa.. sex.. heh! new passions in life.. whatever it
takes to get me back to normal.. and then use that stuff
as my anti-anXiety treatment..
back to the
old homo-path..
but for now..
im open to new things.. as new things develop.. and
now is the time to start tryin' out these things.. there
are side-effects of takin' anything.. and im becomin'
more educated with takin' meds as i take em'.. all the
info out there is really interestin' and agree that
it's the individual.. and what works for them.. what
they are willing to go through.. cause sometimes.. there's
pain with the gain.. but need to tough it out..
pot is greaT..
as homer says..
"the
best toNic .. is cRonic"..
but the old
metHods are not workin' for me right now.. and needed
some assistance.. i realized that.. i needed to change
some of my habits..
im still
keepin' my gReen for reserve though.. it's so much more
healin' than any other sTreet drugs.. and not adventurin'
with any of those.. i think the gReen keeps my clean
from tHat.. cause almost everywhere i go.. tHere is
blow.. heh! ..
people make
their own decisions about thier body.. along with what
develops as we live in them.. the combo can be confusin'..
but well worth the investment..
today's word
: investment..
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